36 weeks 0 days

I'm having a mini panic attack today. I'm not ready!! The baby room is not complete, I don't have anything organized, and I haven't even packed my go bag. What if Ezra comes tomorrow? Why am I such a procrastinator?! I should be reading more parenting books. I should be learning to cook better. I should be more diligent about sweeping and vacuuming. I need to get a carpet for Ezra to play on. Shoot, I need a mattress for the crib! We haven't even put up all the awesome decals that Bo bought. I'm freaking out, man.

I know this all boils down to my fears about being a new mom. ACK, I tear up just thinking about the possibility of failing at this task that will last the rest of my life. I'm not ready. But I've also never been more ready. The logical side of me knows that everything will work itself out and Bo and I will find our way as parents faster than I expect. Plus, I take a look at my swollen feet and think that having Ezra come sooner than later is a great idea.

Yes, that is Bo playing Modern Warfare: Call of Duty 4 in the background. *sigh* Game on, buddy. Soon you won't get much time for that at all!

Note to Ezra: I don't want you to take my insecurity as me not wanting you because there is nothing I want more than to finally get to hold you. I love you!!